Excuse me ma'am, are you going to eat that crayon box?

A child's diet is a complex thing.

My 2 year old is developing at such a fast rate. This puts a lot of pressure on a parent, especially an educated, rather athletic one, to give the child the RIGHT diet. I mean, what if my failure to give her enough protein daily prohibits her from developing the muscle mass she needs to be the next American to win more Olympic gold medals than even Michael Phelps? And God forbid the lack of Omega 3 fatty acids I get into her diet cause her to have the brain power of a tire re-treader for the rest of her life. I don't want her to get diabetes or have so many preservatives that she is ultimately the human equivalent of a hot dog. And I'm still looking for any signs of a third eye from the pesticides she gets from those non-organic McDonald's apple slices she loves.

So for the first 18 months of her life I was, well, to say it nicely, a food Nazi. I measured out how much of each vegetable, fruit, protein, carbohydrate, water, etc that she should have. And I liked to be present when she ate, because otherwise how would I KNOW if she got her fruit or not?????? Still there were obstacles. For example, I couldn't imagine the audacity of any person who would offer her food that was not provided by me. UGGH! I should mention she was in full-time daycare and had plenty of trips to see grandparents. My reply might have been "I guess a little juice today is ok, even though we try to avoid it for her" my thoughts were more like, "You gave her JUICE? Just pull her teeth out right now then! Why wait for them to rot. SHEESH. She can clearly never be alone with you again. See ya later. I'm off to give her a blood sugar test."

Sometime around 18 months old, I realized that she not only had selfish dietary-morons around her offering her non-approved items, but she also had ... her own preferences. As it turns out she loves M&Ms and hot dogs and ranch dressing (thanks mom and Heather). Around this time I also saw her eat her first crayon box. After green beans, paper is her favorite food. She especially likes Mellow Mushroom crayon boxes. I don't mean chew on, I mean EAT. But I digress. When I realized I didn't have complete control, and that she was amazingly healthy anyway, I lightened up a LOT. I guess I should have known it wouldn't last. Her mother is the biggest frito-lay consumer in the Tennesee valley.

I admit I still pull out her toddler report from teacher before I even pull out of the school parking lot to see if she ate her well-balanced lunch I provided. ("Ate Most" is the most detail I get, which is probably a good thing). I don't know why I bother though. The first thing she told me when she got in the car the last three times I picked her up was "Mommy! I ate my sticker!".